brucekluger.com

    The Los Angeles Times, May 9, 2005

    Commentary
    The Bard of Avon Calling

    By Bruce Kluger and David Slavin


    Earlier this month, The New York Times
    revealed that the advertising industry
    has tapped Broadway theatergoers as
    its newest target audience, employing
    clever product-placement among the
    words, music and scenery of current
    hit shows. The revival of Sweet Charity
    features a line of dialogue in which a
    waiter asks a customer, “Gran
    Centenario, the tequila?” while Hormel
    Foods has interjected references to its fabled lunch meat, Spam, in the Monty
    Python musical, Spamalot. Such a ruse may not faze fans of light comedies or fluffy
    musicals, but would Madison Avenue have the audacity to slip sly slogans into the
    iambic pentameter of William Shakespeare? Probably. After all, “the play’s the
    (real) thing.”

    “To sleep, perchance to dream—in just 20 minutes, with Ambien.”
    —Hamlet (Act III, Scene i)

    “Out, damned spot! Out, I say—with the stain-lifting power of Spray ‘n Wash!”
    —Macbeth (V, i)

    “A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse! Or the 325-horsepower Grand
    Cherokee, now available at your Jeep dealer.”
    —Richard III (V, iv)

    “Something is rotten in the state of Denmark. So come to Jamaica!”
    —Hamlet (I, iv)

    “Beware the ides of March—and get ready for Kohl's Memorial Day Blowout Sale!
    (Off Route 241, in Rancho Santa Margarita.)”
    —Julius Caesar (I, ii)

    “But, soft! What light through yonder Anderson window breaks?”
    —Romeo and Juliet (II, ii)

    “Now is the winter of our discontent. But you’ll have the summer of your dreams at
    Six Flags Magic Mountain.”
    —Richard III (I, i)

    “Get thee to a nunn'ry. And for a mouth-watering Shrimp ‘n Parmesan Sirloin, get
    thee to Applebee’s!”
    —Hamlet (III, i)

    “The first thing we do is kill all the lawyers. Then, it's Miller time!”
    —Henry VI (IV, ii)

    "If music be the food of love, play on. And while you're at it, Play SuperLotto Plus!"
    —Twelfth Night (1, 1)

    “Eye of newt, and toe of frog, wool of bat, and tongue of dog. Two all-beef patties,
    special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onion on a sesame seed bun.”
    —Macbeth (IV, i)

    “This was the unkindest cut of all. That's why I am stucketh on Band-Aids, and
    Band-Aids are stucketh on me!”
    —Julius Caesar (III, ii)

    “O true apothecary! Thy drugs are quick. (And thy side-effects may include
    headache, nausea, dizziness, constipation and abdominal pain.)”
    —Romeo and Juliet (V, iii)

    “Lord, what fools these mortals be—tonight, on Hannity & Colmes!”
    —A Midsummer Night's Dream (III, ii)

    “To be or not to be, that is the question. For everything else, there's MasterCard.”
    —Hamlet (III, i)