| brucekluger.com |
DadMag.com, April 2000
The author shares a few Dad-to Dad tips with England's Prime Minister. By Bruce Kluger Dear Prime Minister Blair (may I call you Tony?): Talk about a media darling! Seems I can’t open a magazine or log onto a web site these days without seeing your smiling face alongside a story about the birth of your fourth child, and what kind of paternity leave you will now elect for yourself. Clearly this is a personal decision— and I certainly don’t want to pressure you, mate—but permit me to speak on behalf of at-home dads everywhere when I say that we’d love for you to join our nappy- changing, pram-pushing contingent out here. Having worked out of my living room for more than a year now, I can say without reservation that it’s a blast. However, we could always use a high-profile, world leader such as yourself to be our poster boy. Before you make your decision, though, let me give you a bit of the nitty-gritty of at- home daddydom, just so you know what you’re in for: Define your terms: Although once a rarity, fathers-in-the-house have become so growing an assembly—two million in this country alone—that, like every other cultural clique, they’ve spawned sub-groups. I, for example, am a "work-at-home dad" (as opposed to "stay-at-home dad"), which means I have part-time help so that I can actually do some writing. Without this assistance, the PC at which I’m currently perched would be running an Elmo CD-ROM. Be forewarned, though, full-time stay-at-home dads are a hard-working bunch and somewhat touchy about this distinction. In other words, don’t go bragging to your pals down at Parliament that you’re a full-timer when you’re not. If you think radical feminists are an ultra-sensitive gang, try getting on the bad side of a ticked-off dad with a ladle in his hand. Have Your Crumpets and Eat Them, Too: Just because you’re opting to rule the roost doesn’t mean you can’t also rule the country. FDR called the shots from a wheelchair; Churchill ran the show from a bunker. You can do it all from the changing table. But you need to make a schedule and stick to it. For example, let’s suppose you’ve spent the morning tending to the baby, and with the arrival of naptime, you suddenly find yourself with an hour to kill. Don’t sit down. Instead, use the time wisely and hit the phones: 11:00-11:15: Check in with Labour 11:15-11:30: Check in with Tories 11:30-11:45: Check in with Commons 11:45-12:00: Check in with Lords Of course, my favorite part of working out of the nursery-office is terminating unwanted calls. I guarantee you, nothing will bring an end to a rambling conversation with, say, the Queen (can that woman talk, or what?) quicker than the sudden announcement, "Oops, love to chat, but it looks like my little Princess just made a present for daddy...." Dining Room Diplomat: Although you’ve chosen a domestic setting, you can remain at the forefront of the international scene, and all with a little imagination. Let’ s say it’s midday, and you’re whipping together sandwiches for the older kids. Why dine alone? This is the perfect opportunity to monitor the Northern Ireland peace plan or manage the chaos in Belgrade, and all by having the deal-makers over for lunch. What’s the worst that could happen—that Nicholas and Kathryn will make a scene in front of your guests by bickering over the jam? No prob. What better way to hone your peace-making skills than by practicing them on children? Learn to Love the Teletubbies: Your nation gave us the Beatles, Monty Python and the English Muffin—for which we’ll be forever indebted. But this fab foursome is another matter. You’re on your own. Mastering the Play Date: You’ve glad-handed at Royal balls, soccer matches and international summits, so you think you’re the expert on making small-talk with people you barely know, right? Welcome back to square one. Try sitting in a living room with a perfect stranger for two hours watching your two infants drool on one another. I’d suggest some entertaining conversation-starters that have worked for me in the past (e.g., "You know, they just let me out of prison last Monday and I’m feeling pretty good," or "My kid hasn’t slept in four days—is that normal?") but my guess is they wouldn’t fly for you. When in doubt, bring a magazine. That’s Entertainment: One of the casualties of having a newborn in the house is that it heralds the end of the Saturday night movie. When our daughters were born, my wife and I dropped out of the hip cinema circle faster than you can say "Oh, behave." Although I don’t know the particulars, my guess is that Baby Blair will take a similar bite out yours and Cherie’s film frolics. My suggestion? Renew that video membership. Do you have Blockbuster in England? Tower Video? I’d suggest UrbanFetch.com—they guarantee delivery within an hour—but I can’t imagine Downing Street is on their route. Count Your Blessings: Speaking of Cherie, I don’t know if you know this or not, but your wife rocks. At 45, she remains smart, sexy, stylish and a legal whiz who kicks butt in court. Part of being an at-home dad is appreciating the fact that Mom has been riding the parent-career seesaw a lot longer than you and doing a pretty good job of it—and Cherie is no exception to the rule. If you’re wise, you’ll tell her so. Get thee to a gym: When you begin working out of the house, it’s important to take daily diversions, just like you used to at the office. In your case, though, instead of strolls through St. James or lunches on the Thames, you’ll want to find neighborhood sanctuaries at which to clear your head and get your blood flowing. Which brings me to my suggestion—and I sure hope you don’t take this the wrong way—but I’ve noticed of late that, even as you carry your historic nation upon your shoulders, those shoulders aren’t as mighty as they once were, and perhaps it’s time for a little free-weighting. I found there’s nothing like a quick visit to the gym to keep me pumped, primed and fit for carrying a wailing baby around for hours at a time, or bending over a crib, or stooping to retrieve pacifiers. And if nothing else, the gym is a great place to watch babes. See you at the market. |
Photo of Prime Minster Blair, wife and son from BBC News.