brucekluger.com

    The Los Angeles Times, December 23, 2009

    Opinion
    Making His List, Checking It Twice
    Obama's gift list for both the naughty and nice.

    By Bruce Kluger and David Slavin


    Just when Barack Obama thought his toughest
    decisions were behind him—his Afghanistan
    strategy, tackling unemployment, what to say to
    Tiger Woods if he calls—now he has to draw up a
    Christmas gift list. What will the current “decider”
    decide to give this holiday season…to both the
    naughty and the nice?

    Health insurance industry: The new healthcare
    bill (the gift that keeps on giving).

    Big Pharma: Same as above, with unlimited refills.

    Senate Republicans: Membership in Whine-of-
    the-Month Club.

    Joe Lieberman: Hanukkah guilt.

    Ben Nelson: Anything he wants.

    Michelle: Some manure for her garden (how about the healthcare bill?).

    Malia and Sasha: New Secret Service escort: Justin Bieber!

    Bo: Meat-flavored cardboard cutout of Sean Hannity.

    TARP bailout recipients: What, $700 billion wasn’t enough?

    The Salahis: Invitation to a state dinner...at Guantanamo Bay.

    Troops in Afghanistan: A McChrystal ball.

    Troops in Iraq: All-expenses-paid trip from frying pan into fire.

    Fox News: An exclusive interview…in 2013.

    Kim Jong Il: Fruitcake, extra nutty.

    China: As down payment on our debt, they get...Ohio (non-refundable).

    Hillary Clinton: Teflon pantsuit.

    Bill Clinton: Mistletoe pants.

    Sarah Palin: Eleven Pipers piping, 10 Bristols birthing, 9 Levis posing, 8 Todds a-
    mushing, 7 books a-signing, 6 moose a-dressing…5 golden winks!...

    John McCain: A 4-pound gift basket of sour grapes.

    George W. Bush: Christmas leftovers. Why not? He gave his to America.

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